Is it possible for children to remember their lives as babies? I don't mean remembering specific things, like a trip to the zoo or a birthday party, but feelings or senses? Here's the poop: LPT has become increasingly clingy over the past few weeks. So much so that she's actually stressed out when I'm not around, or if I am around, not next to her or holding her. She whines, cries at the drop of a hat, and becomes a different person. Now, I know what's causing this on the surface ( I think): I'm going to Mexico in March with two of my parents and my sister and brother-in-law. D isn't going, mostly due to his crippling fear of flying. So the kids will stay with him for the 5 days that I am gone. This isn't the first time I have traveled without LPT, but it is the first time she'll stay for multiple consecutive days with her dad, in our house, with all my stuff but without me. I'm pretty sure that this is what is eating away at her.

But my mother (bless her heart) can't leave it at that, no, she has to dig deeper! She ties in how I interact with Midget 2.0 versus how I was with LPT, and how LPT watches and observes how I look at M2.0, and frequently asks if I looked at her that way when she was a baby? Now, the crappy part of all this is that LPT could, conceivably, have reason to feel slighted due to a major case of PPD I had shortly after she was born. Also, the life that D and I were etching out nearly crumbled a few times, which (obviously) caused a lot of stress. And I hate that my little girl was around and subjected to environments that weren't nice. And yes, there are and always will be significant (overwhelming?) amounts of guilt on my part, even though I got help and I'm doing just fine and dandy now. And my mother (interior designer by trade and training, psycologist and doctor by will) thinks that this is just now causing problems, causing LPT's insecurity. And there's just enough guilt on my part to indulge her, and now I don't know what to do. Do I not go to Mexico? Do I sit LPT down, all of 4 and a half years old, and explain that Mommy was really sad after she was born, but things are better now? Do I accommodate the clinginess and let her be by my side constantly? Or do I let her know that I'm here now, will always come back for her, and that she's completely safe? And how do I do that without freaking her out more? And speaking of freaking her out, how do I get my mother to stop talking about it?

Oy. I need more coffee.