Shoes!!!!

Oh my goodness I have found the best website in all the world. It sells shoes (!!!) and, since I am a size 8 in that department, I am officially declaring that size to be average. Now, in a size 8, the most expensive shoe will set you back $79.99 (Steve Madden Richh Pump in Black Patent, see below) and the cheapest shoe will cost you a mere

$6.99 (Miss Me Biscuit Flats in Black Suede, see below). However, the shoes I want are these and though they do only cost $23.99, they are still over $20 and therefore I have to follow my rule and give them Some Serious Thought. Piffle.

Oh, and by the way, should you get it in your head that it's a good idea to break up with anyone other than face-to-face (like, for example, TEXT MESSAGE) when you are almost adults, live in the same town and are both fully capable of driving, here is what you deserve:
Stupid douchebag.